So I had really good intentions about writing every day since in the past putting my thoughts down was a way for me to reflect, but then I was sick, not an excuse exactly, but I felt like garbage and writing ceased to become a priority in my life. We're closing on the condo on the 31st, I'd love to move in right away, but November 9th will come soon enough. I found a great website that had several recipes I want to try. I need to feed people who are helping me move, and I need to do this on a slim budget so I went to Google in search of healthy recipes for the frugally inclined. I have a thrifty streak, but I'm also a spender, that's something I need to work on, and I need a plan so I can get where I need to be. The other thing I found on this site were instructions for growing your own salad greens in a container, bonus for me since I already have salad mix seeds. I just love plants and green growing things, they represent an essence of life I miss when they're not around.

A friend of mine with an Amazon prime account ordered me the book Fit For Life. It was $4, and I consider it money well spent despite my need to conserve right now. The plan is simple, it will take some adapting since we need to be gluten free, but since the author is vegetarian, very few recipes call for dairy products. There are recipes that include meat, but I'm going to do my best to treat it like many Asian cultures do, and serve it as an accent instead of giving it top billing. I've found some lovely recipes right here on E2, and I can not wait for a kitchen where I'm the boss, and what I say goes. The other book I checked out from the library that was interesting is Food Matters. It's written for people with a fair amount of kitchen experience (in my opinion), but I took a lot away from it, but not nearly as much as I got out Fit For Life. There's a second edition of Fit For Life that I'd like to order eventually, but now that I have the philosophy down, I'll be content with what I have.

After three weeks of fasting I felt hungry so I had a couple ounces of grapefruit juice. The experience was unpleasant, so I went back to the fasting protocol, and now feel much better although I am very tired today. It's a very strange feeling to see food, want to eat it, but get messages from your body that now is not the time. The time will come, I am sure of that, and in the meantime, I'm so gratified to have teeth that feel perpetually clean, clearer eyes and skin, I can see healthier skin beneath my finger and toenails, I've lost weight, that's the least exciting part of the fast because I haven't lost much body fat so I still retain the same shape, but that too is a process so I'm not frustrated. This morning I took a walk, a bath, and a nap. I have other things I could be doing, but I made the decision to take care of myself first, and I have no regrets.

Several of my Twitter friends and I exchange emails. Today I found a gorgeous letter of encouragement from someone. I wanted to cry it was so beautifully written, it gave me strength to go out for a walk when I wanted to crawl back to my nice warm bed. My husband's uncle said he had a bed for me. It turned out to be a mattress instead of a full bed, so now I have to decide if I want a queen sized bed, or a twin one. I'm leaning towards a single bed right now. I love space and light and that would give me more room for my plants and my desk if I decide that I have enough room for it in my room. I could also sleep in the bunk beds when the girls are at my place, and the couch when they're not. That's less than ideal, but I could make it work if I had to. I'd like to be able to walk to work on days when I don't work at the restaurant. It's almost three miles which shouldn't be a problem, and the majority of the way is sidewalks that should be clear during snowy days.

Walking to work would require a new pair of boots, but for what I'd save in gas and wear and tear on my car, I could buy some really nice boots that would keep my feet warm and dry. Right now I'm being a bit of a baby about not wanting to walk back home in the dark. I need to make up my mind that this is important enough for me to do, and just commit to it. I wouldn't have had a choice in the matter several hundred years ago, and they didn't have North Face or Columbia products to keep people warm back then either. My mom has agreed to help me move. I wish she'd offer to help me pack or make something to serve the movers, but my husband has a point when he says I've rebuffed her in the past so what do I expect? She's the way that she is, and I need to finally make peace with the past. Although my husband and I have been getting along better in some respects, in other ways things are still not optimal. He was critical of the way I handled a situation with my oldest daughter and sent me a text to let me know that while I had a plan he would put money on it being ineffective. Poorly executed was his choice of words, in the past I would have tried to defend myself, this time I let the text ride.

I can't remember if I talked about starting a new book in my last daylog. If I have, then this is slightly redundant news, but the cool part is I'm getting close to some really naked personal issues, and that's been really cool. I can listen to the same song over and over, those songs rarely make it into my writing, but there's something about the emotions and lyrics and passion that help me write. When I was a preteen and later a teenager, I made so much fun of love songs. There weren't many I liked, and now that I'm more mature, I know that it is an act of courage and bravery to put your heart out like that. Periodically I will get DM's from people on Twitter who tell me that I've inspired them. That usually affects me since some of these people I rarely interact with, but it's so rewarding to know that there are others who respond to my ramblings in 140. For me, the medium doesn't matter. I meet people at the grocery store, the thrift store, work, anywhere I go really. It's a gift of mine that I network like a natural. I just wish I had a better way to monetize that skill.

I've been taking the girls to church on Monday nights intead of trying to get them out of bed on Sunday mornings. I love having them sit next to me because they're always more loving and affectionate when it's just the three of us sitting in the pew together. We've been better about putting money in the plate, the girls have envelopes they typically forget. For many things that haven't gone well at home, I'm sincerely sorry I wasn't the type of mother I wanted to be, or the one that they maybe needed at times. I can't dwell on the past, I can take steps to make sure that the future addresses some of these shortcomings, and let's face it, regardless of what I do, I'll never be perfect, and neither will they. I've become a very autocratic parent, my parents were like that which is where I learned it, I was better when I took the Love and Logic parenting course, it's just a matter of me practicing empathy whenever I speak to others. Shouldn't be difficult, but it takes a conscious effort on my part.

There's a lot more on my mind, but that's it for now.

Until next time,