Day 4: During an interview with a friend of mine I was nervous about saying the wrong things. After the interview, the woman conducting it told me that my talking allowed the person I was interviewing to avoid answering certain questions, and that's probably where the best stories were. Now that I know both of these women a bit better, I can see that my eagerness to break uncomfortable silence took something away from the interview. I'm not going to beat myself up about that, because I learned a lot from the experience, but I want to become more comfortable with uncomfortable silence so I can get at those better, deeper stories.

Today I separated the books on my nightstand into two separate piles; library books, and those that I own. Before I learned how addicting the internet can be, I used to read books quite often. I've fallen out of that habit, and I want to cultivate that again. The book stacking accompanied a new vision of what I want my bedroom to be. We recently invested in a new comforter. It was cheaply made which I'm normally not a fan of, but the color was right, and the underside is unbelievably soft which is probably the most important aspect of bedding to me.

We own a Peter Walsh book, but I had picked up Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat at the library on Tuesday, and I'm happy to report that we made significant inroads into making our bedroom a clutter free zone because it should be a restful, soothing place to retire to when I'm tired. We're talking about getting rid of my dresser, and going through my clothes will be tough, but I'm praying for catharsis along the way. Walsh has a theory that clutter leads to weight gain because food is one of the things people turn to when things are chaotic.

Sometimes I feel as if my mind is very cluttered. I worry about things I shouldn't, and then I don't do things that I should because I'm caught up in this terrible what if, or over thinking psuedo analysis that doesn't get me anywhere. I am a good judge of character so if I come across people whose words don't match their actions, then I need to get rid of them. Where it gets tricky is I can't always get away from some of these people so I need to come up with strategies to handle them. Last night my two sisters and I discussed a plan for my dad who needs to renew the lease on his apartment.

My youngest sister and I agree that my father is not safe where he's at. My next youngest sister thinks that he's fine, and safety really isn't an issue. We spent 45 minutes on the phone, and the majority of the time my one sister was argumentative instead of cooperative so we ended up not getting much done besides intensely frustrating the other two people on the line. I don't know what the answer is, the woman my dad calls his good friend wants a say in what happens to him so that's adding to the family drama, the bottom line is no one knows what to do so no one does anything, and the cycle continues.

Much more on my mind, but I need to get other things done.

Until next time,