Last night I dreamt that I was with a guy that I knew, and we were
trying to escape someone who was trying to kill us. I wrote about this
dream elsewhere, and as follow up to my previous daylog, I thought I
would share what happened at my first acupuncture visit. My
Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner is a tall, fair skinned man
who looks like he has previously served in some branch of the armed
forces. I don't think he has, he's a biochemist via education, and a
self described science geek who said he was
interested in finding out why things worked. Had I known years ago that I
could walk into an appointment, drop $150, and leave with better
circulation, and a renewed sense of wellness, I would have done this
years ago, but I was afraid, and the fear bubble has been my companion
for so long, moving away from it seems too difficult so I start making
excuses for why I can't do things.
I didn't get a diagnosis about whatever is going on in my chest. He
gave me something to take, it helped almost immediately after I started
taking it, and I have no idea what's in it, but I really don't care
because it's effective. Today I looked at condos. I found one that I
think will work, and my husband says that financing may take some
creativity, but shouldn't be a problem. He says he doesn't want to buy
me a place, which I understand, but still hurts my feelings. Work was
crazy today, it's been chaotic these past few days. I could get a
regular full time job with benefits and insurance, and maybe I
eventually will, but when I had health insurance, it was too expensive
to use, and I ended up spending quite a bit of my paycheck to have
someone else watch my children when I couldn't be there for them. My
appointment with my new practitioner was just wild, so many things he
said made so much sense. I'm going to take the girls in, my husband said
he was thinking of going in, and after this experience, I'm pretty much
done with the ridiculousness that passes for most of conventional
Western medicine.
During my dream journaling course I learned how to interpret my own
dreams, I can't share everything with you, and I know that this probably
sounds completely insane, but I've tried living to please other people,
and now I'm going to start living for myself. I'm ridiculously,
deliriously, feverishly excited about owning a condo of my very own.
I've thought about what I would do if I can get the place that I want,
and it probably wouldn't be most people's taste, but I don't want a
conventional furniture arrangement. I want huge plants, a couple
loveseats, several bistro sized tables, and I'm going to turn the second
bedroom into a yoga studio because I think people, specifically women
need a safe place where they can go hang out, and just do nothing for a
while. I'm going to paint my studio white, put some Japanese or Chinese
characters on the closet doors, and not really do anything else in
there. I want a virtually empty room although my husband said he could
put in a spiral staircase that goes to a loft so I can
put my desk up there, and have some office space for my business.
My goal is to teach classes to people, and get paid to show people
how to cook, and how to adapt their kitchens to whatever modality they
want to explore. I've been through so many variations of diets, I can
teach people how to go raw, gluten free, vegan, Paleo, dairy free, and
I've done a lot with different styles of ethnic cooking so I can have
classes where people come over to make spring rolls, and green smoothies
that actually taste good. It'd be nice if I had a computer, but I might
not be able to afford internet service, and I realize that owning a
place of my own is going to require some sacrifices on my part. I might
not be able to put in the flooring I want right away, but I have the
dream, the vision, the ultimate plan, and I'm going to make this happen
one way or another even if it means that the girls and I have to share
the master bedroom, or one of us has to sleep downstairs on a couch for a
while.
My new practitioner teaches Aikido, I talked to my husband about
putting the girls in classes, and having us do that as a family. My
practitioner told me to get out of the house as much as possible, and to
expose the girls to different authority figures as often as we can so
they can escape some of the tension at home. He wants me to do some sort
of very intense exercise every day, and I'm happy to report that I did a
yoga flow DVD today, and feel like I'm getting better at some
of the postures. I'm learning more, and I would highly recommend
anything that Rodney Yee is responsible for to anyone who is interested
in an approach to yoga that is in line with what I believe it can, and
should be. I'm getting tired, I need to be getting to bed, but I also
want to get back into my daily writing groove. I have some new things to
aim for, and it's all wonderful, but I'm also very tired from being on
the go all day.
Much love, and peace to all.
Take care,
jess