Today was the day of my self-immolation
I knew I shouldn't have gone. I knew he'd be there. I knew because I, like the fool I am, told her that I would be there. And he was there. Holding her hand, her arm wrapped around his, the smile in her face. I caught her looking at me several times. I know she knows how I feel. I know she once felt the same way. Hell, it's been 5 years now. If I had told her, it may have been me holding her hand, making her smile like that.
But I am such a coward.
And that's why it wasn't me. And why it won't. I'm a coward.
They disappeared shortly after it ended. She didn't stick around to say hello, like she normally does when I'm in town.
I know now she knows. Maybe it's fear, maybe it's gloating. Maybe it's more of a "I had a crush on you for so many years, but you broke my heart, now's my chance to break yours".
Every time I looked at them, something echoed in my mind. A glimmer of hope it was, a light like none other. MLK's voice saying "Free at last, free at last". I know now that I have a crossroad in my life.
One path leads me to a life of happiness, but never see her again.
Another path leads me along with her, but the road will itself will be the cause of unbearable pain.
It's not a decision I want to make.