OK, here's what I'm going to do now...I'm just going to draw up a small, informal contract. Just between me and God. And that's it.

Dear God,

If you will just PLEASE allow me to get pregnant this month I promise, I SWEAR TO YOU, that I will not:

Use a taser on my child as punishment
Leave my child in a hot car to die
Order my child to beat another child to death
Sexually abuse my child
Abandon my child
Neglect my child
Hurt my child
Force my child to wear shirts with ducklings on them
Embarrass them on the first day of school
Call them 'punkin' in front of their friends

I am a good, strong woman of faith. I am smart, I am loving, I am compassionate, I am healthy. My husband loves me. We're going to be married forever. I promise. He's my best friend. We love children. We have a dog that we care for desperately. We have good jobs, we make good money.

I'm not quite sure why Amanda got to have a healthy beautiful baby boy when she doesn't have a job, is only twenty, was abandoned by the father, smokes dope, drinks and smokes while pregnant and leaves her baby with her mother so she can go screw in a hotel in Indiana. I don't get it. I'll admit it. I'm stumped. Why is she rewarded and I'm punished? How much longer do I have to wait? Why? I don't get this. It isn't really fair I don't think. Not at all.

sincerely, Jar