From the age of 4 onwards, I have always associated birthdays with painful rituals. At primary school, the birthday boy or girl would go to the front of the assembly and have their hair pulled as many times as their age in years plus "one for good luck". At secondary school, it was birthday beats, with as many jabs to the arm as the person's age, plus again, "one for good luck".

However, at the age of 18, legal drinking age (in the UK), the pain of birthdays manifests itself as the dirty pint. These foul concoctions typically consist of all the most disgusting, sickening and wretched shots the bar has to offer, mixed with half a pint of bitter. The lucky birthday boy then has to down this stinking mess, with regular pauses for vomitting, to start, and end, his night.

You may ask what has brought on this random and uncalled for node? Well, I have in front of me a receipt for a dirty pint a friend just drank. It comes to £20.75 for:

  • 5 shots of Bell's whisky
  • 3 shots of Gordon's gin
  • 2 shots of sambuca
  • 2 shots of tequila
  • 2 shots of apple sour
  • half a pint of Guiness
  • This pint is truly dirty. At the half way stage, "B", my friend, decorated the wall of the pub with his vomit, then proceeded to down the rest of the pint in the toilet, ready for lift off.

    The reason we feel the need to punish people for living another year is the topic for another node, maybe it's jealousy at all the presents they get, maybe it's sadism. Either way, if you want a surefire way to get the party started, head to the bar, let your mind run wild, and concoct a dirty pint.