Wow.. I created this
node just for fun last night. Little did I know then that today would become one of the
pinnacle days of my life.
I took my brother to the mall this afternoon so he could pick up some gifts for some schoolmates at Spencers. I got back and was starting to clean my apartment, but instead just sort of lied in bed and thought about Sara.
I got up and then spent a bunch of time reading my old daylogs, recalling my adventures with Sara. I read about how we met, I annotated some of my daylogs for special things about those days that I remember now which I didn't write then. I read through some of my old emails to her, some of the files that I wrote about her, and the letter I wrote her on the gift I sent her on valentine's day.
Then around 5:30pm today, she logs on AIM and I start talking with her. We talked for quite a while about random stuff, nothing too personal other than some complements. Somewhere around 9:30, some other friends all got in a chat room together, including Sara. Just to be funny, I wrote her a little personal instant message saying "Hiya", even though I'd been talking to her since 5:30 and we were both in the chat room. I asked her how she was doing, almost as if I hadn't already been talking to her for 4 hours :) I was just kidding around.
Then she asked me THE question. You can see I tried to dodge it, but she was insistent, and the pressure on my soul was building like a dam about to burst.
Sara: whatcha thinking about?
Me: nothing in particular, just wanted to say hi :-)
Sara: :-)
Sara: sure you dont want to tell me?
So I told her.
I tested the waters to make sure she was ready to hear all I had to say, then when I knew the coast was clear, I let it all loose. She cried. I cried. She laughed. I laughed. Then in the middle of it all, AOL's AIM service decided to go offline.
I tried to reconnect for about 3 minutes. The longest 3 minutes of my life. I finally gave up and got the courage to call her on the phone. We talked for about an hour on the phone. It was tense. When I first answered, I could hear her crying a bit. It was too awkward to talk about those things while on the phone, so we got talking about other things. Then when AIM came back, we talked for a little while longer and finally decided to get back to typing because we were both more comfortable with that for what we were talking about before.
We continued talking until almost 12:50am. We talked for over 7 hours! I reassured her my feelings, and she reassured me hers. I feel SO great having finally releived all of my thoughts about her and having her accept them so well. I can't even begin to imagine how I'm going to feel this week. We talked about so many things which I thought would always be off-limits due to the conditions of our relationship. She assured all of my doubts were mistaken and all of my fears were unfounded.
I have been liberated. I am free and happy; I have poured out my entire soul to have it taken up and put back together by a very special lady who now keeps it safe from dispair.
I am now only one step away from liberating the last three little words which will make it all complete. And I have plans for how to break those words to her. And I'm not telling you! :P
Goodnight everyone. Rest well. Dream well.