desperation filled the room and i heard you sobbing quietly in your corner, i stayed in mine and you whispered a faint "god help me", and for a reason i did not want to understand, that broke me. "god help me, i want this" and i cried tears that hurt more than anything had, ever.

i was, am still, not sure as to exactly why these words seem so potent to me, even (or especially) uttered by someone of lacking faith. there is something about calling upon a being, a force, one you don't even trust in that can destroy strength, cripple a sound mind, or intensify, create a sort of stability beyond most anything. perhaps, it will be temporary moments, minutes, lifetimes, that this feeling of lost, or more found than ever before, will last.

i guess that "god" is less now, than the entire concept was at some point, or so much more.. just a representation of a final resort, last chance, hope, in some ways. some might consider this an awful thing.. i tend to think it has the potential to be the only thing, at least for some.