Today I fell on my face in a pool of
coffee and my hand landed in the chocolate-nut brownie I just bought.
I stood there, almost at the top of the stairs and the other patrons just stared, one girl actually dropped her jaw. The coffee was all in my hair and sprayed all over my best jacket. I was frozen but suddenly someone put a wad of napkins in my hand.
"Thanks" I said
"I'm okay, really"
Then quickly cleaned up and ran to the washroom.
I was so disoriented. My boyfriend screamed at me so much this weekend that he lost his voice. We have been together for five years.
This weekend I learned that you shouldn't ask questions to which you do not want answers. I noticed that he had the home and work number of a girl that he used to have a crush on. She knew it and took advantage of his niceness by getting him to drive her everywhere even when it was way out of the way. My friends called her the school "whore" because she was stringing quite a few along like this... getting them to do her assignments while she massaged them etc. So, I asked my boyfriend "why are you staying in contact with her?" And he said "Because, if you die, I want to have someone around. I don't want to be alone."
Instantly, my mind shot to my father, who died of Skin Cancer when I was a child and how my mother never remarried. Conversely, boyfriend was planning a backup before I was even sick! I was so disturbed, I started crying and being irrational.
At this time we were at one of his car meets with his friends waiting for the rain to stop. One of his friends would come to the car and my boyfriend would open the window, stop yelling and start speaking in his nicest voice. Then, he would close the window again and start yelling at the top of his lungs.
"Please, let's go, we need to talk about this!" I entreated.
"Why pass up a free meet?" he asked. He just left the car while I was sobbing. This was a show, so people kept coming by to check out his car, to be shocked by me crying violently in the passenger seat.
"She is too cold" was what he told his friends.
On the ride home, things escalated. He was screaming so loudly. At one point we were on the shoulder of a 6 lane highway with him threatening to jump into traffic. Later he says "sorry" and that "I am just weird" and "it won't happen again" but I have heard it all before. He wants me to help him through this and I want to. This is him at his worst, but 80% of the time he is the sweetest, kindest guy alive.