Nothing to Add

Jeff: You know what Stu? I think I am going to give up dating.
Stuart: Why?
Jeff: Well, I just can’t satisfy women. They say that I see them as objects and only want them for their bodies – and when we do have sex, I just satisfy myself! My last girlfriend said that I didn’t call her enough - didn’t listen to her enough.
Stuart: Well, was she right?
Jeff: Yeah… so I am going to be a "nice guy" instead and just be friends with women. It’s better for everyone.
Stuart: Okay.
Jeff: You know, I think I’m going to give up on having opinions too. Everything that is worth thinking of has already been thought - then discussed and written. Look at all the information out there. There is nothing more to add.
Stuart: I guess so.
Jeff: I think the world would be a better place if everyone quieted down their opinions and just relaxed.
Stuart: Okay.
Jeff: You know, I think I am going to give up talking, because I realized that most of my talk is just about opinions and women anyway.
Stuart: Wait… that sounds like an opinion…
Jeff: Yeah, you’re right, I guess I should start now.
Stuart: Okay… do you want to go get a pint somewhere?
(Jeff lifts his right finger and opens his mouth to say something – but remembers he can’t. Stuart stands there waiting while Jeff is unresolved but eventually walks away. Jeff, frozen, looks disappointed and confused.)


First Sight

(Scene: Music is playing. A pretty girl is standing and smiling. A guy confidently walks up to her.)

Guy: Hello, I just wanted to say that you are the most beautiful girl here – wow… Can I buy you a drink?
Girl: Thanks (dismissively - Takes Drink)
Guy: Are you from Toronto?
Girl: Yes. You?
Guy: New York City. I’m here on business.
Girl: Me too… why did you come over to talk to me?
Guy: Blonde hair, straight back and non-stop smiles!
Girl: (pause) That’s sweet. (pause) Oh no.
Guy: Did I do something wrong?
(Girl switches from a dismissive tone to a genuine one)
Girl: : No… it’s you. It’s us. What happens if we go out - have everything in common - have incredible, intense sex and I fall in love with you? See, I can’t separate sex and love…
Guy: It’s okay hon…
Girl: What if we fight - it ends… and… I go on dating other guys who are nothing compared to you? What if - night after night I dream of us reuniting to have wild sex again?
Guy: Well, that doesn’t sound too bad...
Girl: What if I e-mail you love letters for months and years later and you never respond? What if you call me on a Sunday afternoon to say “I love you”… then you disappear?
Guy: But, I’m JUST a guy you met at a bar!
Girl: And you JUST want me for my body tonight. Wait. No. That’s not it. I’m so confused…
Guy: Me too. You can call me. (gives her his card)
Girl: I have to go. (they kiss - she walks away)



Professor: I feel like an impostor. Here I am, teaching others when honestly, I don’t feel like I have the answers myself.
Pretty Girl: I know what you mean. I feel like a fake too. People look at me and think I’m happy all of the time, but I’m not. At all. Actually, I feel empty most days.
Doctor: Well, it’s the same for me. I see patients every day and tell them with certainty that I can help them. Certainty and authority are important components of bed-side manner - since a large part of healing is psychological. But in truth, medicine has a lot of grey areas, and what we advise is not always certain.
Professor: But, clearly the world is better off because of medicine. And you… your looks make the world more beautiful and that’s important. I know it makes me happy.
Pretty Girl: Thanks… and you help us understand the world… making it more bearable…
Professor: Perhaps we should just accept our fate as impostors, and see the world as a stage…
Pretty Girl: But who is in the audience?