I repeat:
giving another person the power to make me happy (through "love") is an idea that terrifies me.
if I give someone the power to make me happy, I am also giving them the power to make me miserable.
if other people are always making me happy, I may forget how to make myself happy.
when the person entrusted with my heart walks away, I can ask for my CDs and favorite cardigan back...
but it's much harder for them to return my independence.
especially if they have no idea I'd given it up...
especially if they didn't want it in the first place.
I am terrified of loving anything that doesn't have four legs and a tail.
but I am starting to find a healthy balance between loving others and loving myself.
I am not a human leech.
I am not an ice queen.
I am maturing.