Last night, walking home through a particularly shady part of [Central Square], I was jumped by a [Zen master]! He waved a knife at me and said, "I will ask you a question. If you give an unsatisfactory answer, I will stab you four times in the chest. If you give a satisfactory answer, I will still stab you four times in the chest. However, if you do not answer, I will [slit your throat]. Your question is: [tree-nature] and [branch-nature], same or different?"

Not being much of a student of [Zen], I was anxious. I decided to answer with a [wannabe koan|koan-attempt] I had come up with in the shower that morning: "In high school I knew a girl who worked in an [ice cream store]. Every day customers would line up at the counter and she would ask each one the same question: 'Chocolate or vanilla'? I think she must have been a Zen master, because no matter how they answered, she still gave them ice cream."

My allegedly enlightened mugger laughed and said "Good, but you have a lot to learn." Then he beat me up with his [Zen stick], took my wallet, and sent me on my way.

If I ever have another interview with this Zen master, perhaps I will simply give him my wallet and avoid the beating.

Jumped by a Zen master (thing)