There's a big clump of rhubarb in my parents' backyard, rumored to be over 100 years old, and as it's a perennial, badly in need of division and replanting. But oh well, it doesn't complain. What it does do is supply them with more rhubarb than they could ever use. Last time i was there, i made this while we were doing the dishes after dinner, to show mum how quickly it could be done.

  1. Pick the rhubarb. We all know you don't eat the leaves, that's bad. But they do make pretty good mulch, so break them off right in the garden and spread them around nearby plants.
  2. Wash the rhubarb. This can be done with a hose if the kitchen sink is in use, unless you use chemicals on your garden. Then wash as thoroughly as you possibly ever can.
  3. Check to make sure you have ice cream. If you don't, send one of the slackers who's not washing the dishes to go get some. I don't know if you can use any kind other than vanilla. Rice Dream or any other vegan ice cream or yogurt simulation will work well, too, if you've got vegans.
  4. Trim the ends of the rhubarb and cut it to approx. 1/2 inch lengths, working toward a consistent size.
  5. Put about 3/4" of water in a saucepan over medium-low heat, and add the rhubarb. Add sugar to taste: some people make their rhubarb downright sweet, but i don't see the point if it's not a little tart. Tart is good.
  6. And then: chopped dried apricots and spices: cinnamon, nutmeg, and powdered ginger. I also added a dash of orange extract, because it smelled like it would go well. But be subtle with extracts: they're strong!
  7. Did i mention, keep stirring it all in?
  8. When it's all mixed up and adulterated the way you want it (play with your food!), put the lid on the pot and let it cook.
  9. In a dry skillet, toast instant rolled oats and/or crushed walnuts until they start to color. I use instant rolled oats because some people don't like the chewiness of normal rolled oats, but if you do, use what you like.
  10. Periodically check on the rhubarb, stirring when you do, until it is mooshy enough for you. We like it pretty darn mooshy. You might like it still slightly intact. It's all personal preference at this point. Get your slacker to get bowls out.
  11. Dry your dish-hands, scoop out the hot rhubarb, add ice cream or other cool sweet creamy substance, sprinkle with toasted things, and eat it.

That's it, except for cleaning up, which is mostly done anyway.