For some reason, the A & E editor of my college newspaper was on the mailing list for Siegfried and Roy. Those guys had an amazing PR rep. Every week we'd get a very brief press release - "Come see Siegfried and Roy at the Mirage this week, blah blah blah" - and an 8 x 10 color glossy photo of the pair. It was different every week. Siegfried and Roy with Madeleine Albright! With Clinton! With Robin Williams! And, yes, lots of kitty porn.

There wasn't much we could do with the photos, of course. It's not like we could run them. In four years I met many, many students of questionable mental health; I can think of at least three who are likely to become serial killers within 15 years of graduation; one of my best friends was repeatedly hospitalized with schizophrenic symptoms; and there was my roommate who taped Martha Stewart's TV show in the morning, WHILE WATCHING IT, and then returned from class in the afternoon to watch the same. But I can't think of an OSU student in any state of mental infirmity who would scan the student newspaper, say, "Hey! Siegfried and Roy at the Mirage! Again!" and plan a wacky spontaneous college Vegas trip JUST TO SEE SIEGFRIED AND ROY.

Long story short, I started collecting the 8 x 10s and taped them up on the wall over my desk. I did this based on two principles which have guided much of my post-pubescent life: 1) Quantity is your friend. Or it is when you're decorating an inherently ugly office space on next to no budget. 2) When in doubt, be scary. Very, very scary. At the time I was in contact with cops, city councilors, student government types and others - all of whom took one look at the Wall O' Siegfried and Roy and knew I was not a woman to be trifled with, despite my small stature and (usually) agreeable exterior.

Shortly thereafter, I left the newspaper for about a year and a half. (My mental health was failing. Can't imagine why.) When I came back, occasionally I'd find a photo of everybody's favorite ambiguously gay illustionists sitting around the newsroom, but my major stash, my mosaic, had apparently been stolen or destroyed. That made me sad. My heart has been quite heavy the last several days as the fate of Roy, my guardian, my keeper, my...Roy remains uncertain. I've even been watching Fox news again, despite my declared enmity toward it, because their coverage of sideshow freak maulings kicks ass over that of any other network. Rupert Murdoch, I salute you and take back every nasty thing I ever said about you.

Seriously. Is it just me, or is this a frightening real-life recreation of the Chuckles the Clown episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show? Hee hee hee. Ahem. Hee.