I held this
exact attitude at one point in my life. I wasn't
rationalizing away my
geekiness.
I can't say who rejected who; I think it happened
two ways at once.
I did not approach people; people did not approach me. I had a couple of years to
hear my own thoughts.
I decided for the sake of
surviving high school (this was later) to go the other route, at least as far as I could without
losing myself entirely (though I probably lost a lot): I joined a couple of
clubs and I met a couple of
cute boys and gradually
learned to have a normal conversation (I'd forgotten).
None of the new friends seemed as cool as my
hipster penpals in faraway places (was I
neurotic?), but I learned to
pass the time happily with these basically
complacent small-town girls and boys. I learned to look for
common ground between myself and my perceived
enemies.
I never met my
soulmate,
but
now
I don't live where I used to live;
I've found a couple of kids who
know me better, and love me better, than
acquaintances of yore.
It's
better this way, or
to be alone. I don't have to keep
so many secrets.