When you write something, it doesn't go away. Two years this has not gone away.




***


Like the e-mail says I meet her in the bookstore. She tells me to sit. My bag on the table, I slide into the chair. Put down my coffee. She's opening the book. The light here artificial white-blue and so dark outside the people exist only under streetlamps, but light makes us real. Right in front of me, opening the book I came for how did she know? Right away something's not right. It's not right. Yes I'm okay--says me. I tell her it's me. Just me. She wants too much. Feel her wanting too much. No wait, that's me wanting her.

She's got on a shirt top skin-tight tiger skin like paint so I see the place where they come out of her--where the microfine hair like spider's silk is there not real comes out. Of her. No I'm not scared. Of you, no. Why would I be scared the bead-- Sweat it's hot.

She sighs. The air I know from her I breathe in me, my lungs, life to her life to me. What am I reading? I'm reading Blake am reading tygers am reading God, heaven Bible revelation seven horsemen. What is life? Am I afraid no I'm not. Why do you keep asking--
Asking that?
Do I think ever think what was it like being born? Why that memory is gone from all of us? But it must be in us in all experience comes from there. Why would I not want Her wanting too much?

She's wearing black leather her skin legs where they come from her
in the skin of another being how can you do that that makes me want to want you
Too much. No I'm not afraid why do you keep asking that asking that asking why? Coming closer now. Why does she know tells me the cuts Don't feel sharp But like blows Closed bear claws Like being hit from above and then nothing. No I'm not afraid you keep asking.

She's got long red hair tied back so it doesn't get in the way of her eyes so blue rings so sharp around black so deep you could fall in and away forever I can't do what she's asking No I've never seen one of those before that sign around your neck means what means alliance to what whom this is not going well. Not what I expected I think you might have thought something else. She's reading Rice. She's thinking blood. She's wondering of tasting others tasting mine. I should go get up leave everything just go. If I try she says I can be in her mind. It's sex better than gods. It's life better than ours. It's not what I thought. It's not going well. It's not going

She's too close now with the light in her hand how did she get the light is not light from there but the ceiling it's reflecting it's bright it's not from there it's sharp like the sound from her. She tells me to watch Watch the light fly and fly with it. My arms go up before my throat. The cut is not sharp But a blow from the bear The tyger stripes and hair The light streaking before my arms. Push away. Roll. Less to kill in the back. I'm not thinking I'm doing. Rolling and the screaming will save me Crawl toward the screams.

"Oh my God, he's bleeding. Somebody call an ambulance." "I saw it. I saw everything. It was a razor." "She ran. Call the cops." "She just slashed that guy. She tried to kill him." "Are you okay?" "Get some pressure on those wounds." "Does anyone have something I can wrap around this guy's arms?" "That's a lot of blood." "Stay with us, guy. What's your name?"

The red hair the woman paramedic has black-black leather edge from below her jumpsuit only I can see from the ground I see the red box go down the bandages come out the needle in her hand. She holds it sharp to my eye. Are you afraid? Of you honey no I'm not why do you keep asking that of me?

She sees doesn't see the slide my hand slide past the box past my leg the light I've been hiding all this time inside my own she didn't know doesn't know thinks it's not the sharp pain but the blow like from a bear.

Then down. The yelling turns. Her eyes white and rolled. Her hips under my knees. Her arms under my palms. Incisors reflecting so now they're the light she sees What you do to others comes to you.

See her face horror when I say

"Surprised?"