Last night, the Denden was HELL. I hardly even want to talk about it. Everything was going fine, I was in a great mood, and suddenly I got stuck with 4 tables at once, and I completely screwed everything up. Everything came out late; Roy the cook, got every other order wrong, and I was ready to collapse. On top of that, some girl that gave me her phone number and I never called it showed up and I had to avoid her. That was a weird story. She never gave me the number herself, her friend gave it to me. "umm I have a girlfriend(lie)." A week later he came in only to tell me I HAD to call her. "No." Sick of this shit. The fact that I have no social skills and can't find a date on my own is suckier when I'm viewed upon as an object of cuteness. I'd be interested in anyone who gave me their phone number without telling me I'm a "cutie." Yes, if you make it plainly obvious you want to use me, I'm turned off. Sometimes this does not make sense to even myself, but I cannot stand the patronizing tone of flippantly using "hon" or "cutie" to describe me when you don't know me.

I'm definitely taking that too seriously though

Ok, so I do have a crush on a Denny's regular now, though. She's come in probably about 4 times since I've been there, and that entitles her to "regular" status. The thing is she's definitely NOT like the other girls. She comes in always alone, and orders a "caffienated tea, with maple syrup." That's all she gets, and she just MEDITATES, alone in a Denny's booth. It's wild. I think I realized she was awesome a few weeks ago the time before the last time she came in. But anyway, when she brought me the cash at the register, she asked me "How are you doing?" and my brain just went swimming and there was this eternal silence. She has this very serious 1000-yard stare all of the time, and she gave it to me, and I could not fathom how I was doing at that moment, I was thinking of something to say, and I said something entirely contrary to the question.
Basically though, I've never met anyone that seemed so grounded, solemn, and so at peace with isolation, that she sort of gives me a double take. It makes everything she says sound like it's the word of God. She smiled at me. That was cool. It seems a bit odd that I find lack of social life attractive.

I was incredibly moody (mostly depressed) last week. A lot of it hit when I found out about Jim's suicide; plus I didn't sleep much, and was pissed of at people. I cleaned up my backlog of laundry and decided to stop drinking coffee. I'm felling better. I got a raise at work.(work-work, not Denny's)

Darcy called me this morning and I was surprised. She was friendly, and since I'm dependent on other people's moods, I was too. She talked about her coming home this weekend, and I was like ok, great we can all hang out, I guess. I was really pissed at her for not writing and stuff, because I do think it sucks to just cut off communication with someone regardless of the whole break up bullshit. I dunno, so we got along, and I got half-nostalgic, which I don't really want to deal with. CRAP. I really don't want to deal with seeing her if it's going to be like it was when we broke up. I just want to do something corny like watch a movie, and be like, wow, we managed to not fight for 2 hours. I don't want anything overly dramatic to happen either way. I want to see her, thouh. Fucking sucks. Grr.