Some guy: Hello?

London: Hello. London here.

Some guy: London who?

London: London, England. The town of London.

Some guy: I see. What do you want, then?

London: Well, I thought you'd be interested in my opinion.

Some guy's wife: (Muted, from the next room.) Who is it, Steven?

Steven: It's London, dearest. London's calling.

Steven's wife: Oh, fine then. Tell 'em I say hello.

London: Ahem. About that opinion.

Steven: Margerie says 'ello.

London: Yes. Thank you. Anyway, right. You, sir, are a homosexual.

Steven: What?

London: Yes, a real queer you are.

Steven: Look, just because you're the big city--

London: A back-door boy, a penis polisher, a flaming little queen.

Steven: But I've got a wife. Nineteen years this September.

London: Well, I'm sure you've taken many steps to deny your own nature over the years, but it's time to fess up. You're gay, don't you know?

Steven: Well that's just grand. Couldn't you have called during my more experimental years? Say when I was at university?

Margerie: What's the matter, Steven?

Steven: It's London, dearest. Says I'm homosexual.

Margerie: Oh. Well that's not very good news, is it? What will the children say?

London: Sorry not to bring this up earlier, sir. It's quite a long list I have to go through. I'll leave you to sort out the details. Ta.

Steven: Right. Goodbye then. Thanks for the call.

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