I make no pretenses of understanding human behavior. Anyone that says they understand all or most reasons why people do what they do is someone that unnerves me. People are the most unpredictable sons of bitches that I know, and the things they do continue to confound me. In the face of emotion while equipped with empathy, some people will nonetheless do things that cause more hurt than imaginable.

I understand that one of the reasons someone lies to you upon the end of a relationship can be to distance themselves from you, to attempt to foster the idea that you never really knew them. Apparently, the believed benefit of this is that the person will say to themselves, "Good Lord, I never even knew this person. What have I lost? I haven't lost the person I knew; that person never existed."

In reality, where most of us live, the hurt individual will say, "This person has lied to me in the past. If they didn't, then they are lying now. Perhaps they weren't lying then or now and I simply misunderstood, regardless; they are trying to do and say things that will make me feel like I never knew them. Perhaps I never did know them. Did I lose that person, then, the one I knew and loved? Yes, for they are irrevocably gone, a fleeting fancy I'll never know again. I also live with the burden of having been used for the creation and destruction of that person. I also live with the knowledge that what I thought was true never was."

The hurt individual does not need to hear these things.

I contend that although lies can be believed to be used for the purpose of eroding or removing the image of the hurter in the mind's eye of the hurt, they are in fact used to distance the hurter from who they are and those whom they have hurt.

"I no longer want this person in my life. I will no longer be the person I was to them, or the person I was with them."

"All I want is your help in my pain, and all that you give me is more pain."