Ok, here I go again.

So, what is with all the formal/wedding wear shops in Dublin anyway? I have never seen so many in my life! I mean, come on, I walk past them everyday, whether I am going to work or to lectures, and all they ever do is depress me.

I mean maybe that is my own fault, because I have been haunted by the whole Cinderella story since I was a kid.

Yeah, I'll admit it, I'll admit that when it really comes down to it, I am exactly the same as almost all the cheesy, romance obsessed girls out there.

Yes I am a victim, just like everybody else, and yes it will probably be the end of me.

I walk by these stores and I never fail to stop, sometimes for a quick second, sometimes for a long while. Most times all of a sudden I will find myself, standing there, staring at some gorgeous gown that some seamtress slaved over for hours.

And how do I feel? I feel empty, and I feel frustrated. Why? Well basically because I know that all that depresses me about the situation is rooted in, you guessed it, bullshit.

I know that I shouldn't give a damn about whether or not someday I will get to live the pathetic dream that lurks in the back of my brain. I know this, and yet I still long for that day more than many things.

I mean, it seems like my whole life I have been told that what I am is not good enough, and will never be good enough for anybody. My whole life I have been force-fed the pictures on magazine covers, the pathetic happy endings in movies, the insane and even more pathetic desire to be something and someone that I am not, and to want that.

I mean, why the fuck does that shit exist. Why do people feel the need to market, market, market. Sell, sell,sell. How is it possible that this shit still goes on? I mean isn't it obvious to the people that go to all this trouble to put a magazine, etc, together that, along with attempting to adhere to a small majority of individuals that look, act, blahblahblah, a certain way, that simultaneously they are saying to everybody that dsoesn't fit that description that they are not right. That there is something wrong with them and that they need to change in order to get accepeted and in order to live "that dream."

The whole fucking system is completely ridiculous. And I hate more than anything that I continue to allow myself to fall victim to its influence.

But back to the shops, I guess I just wish that they would go away. I know I am only thinking of myself, and I suppose anyone that might feel the same way, but maybe they could all just relocate to a specific sector of town. "Happiville" they could call it, or maybe, "Where to go if you think you are happy and content and planning to get married." Yeah, that would make my life a lot easier. That would prevent me from wanting to curl up into a little ball of pathetic self-centeredness everytime I walk by. That would make, forgetting about that stupid illusion that haunts me on a day to day basis a little easier. Yeah, I definately wish they would all just go away.

Ok, I am done now. That is enough for today. After all, writing about all of this, just makes me think about it even more.