Today was shit.
I think I can say that I have always hated Valentine's Day, always. Maybe that sounds really bitter of me, and I also know that the reason I feel the way I do is because deep down inside the crevice of all my thoughts and desires, I have wanted more than anything to be able to spend this day with someone special.
I mean, if I stop and analyze the whole thing it is quite amusing, as much as it may simultaneously hurt as well.
I am upset because I don't have someone special to share my life with at this moment. Then again, that desire or need has been planted into my head by endless movies, music, and other forms of propaganda, so why should I let it bother me to begin with.
That said, I should further conclude that this holiday shouldn't bother me at all.
I mean, it's just another money-making scheme, allowing for the stock value of Hallmark and all those fabulous E-card sights to boost for a couple of weeks.
So I ask, what is the point of Valentine's Day? Everyone knows that it shouldn't matter whether it is this day or that; random acts of kindness and love are more important, more genuine, and more special, than the recognition of some lame holiday. Perhaps I am just bitter, perhaps I should stop fucking complaining, and stop letting it bother me so much because letting it bother me, means that "they" have won and I have lost.
Perhaps it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel at all. But since no one else has really covered the obsurdity of today in the material above, I thought I might add my "two cents."
I'm going to go out and
drink now. Drink to no longer letting all of this shit bother me. Drink to being my own
person and being
happy with that. Drink to realizing my own
humility and attempting to get past all of the shit that
society throws in my
face evey waking
moment.
To all of you that have someone, to all of you that feel you are in love and are happy. I am happy for you, really I am.
I am not, I have to deal with it.
But I am tired of the illusion that just by being with someone I will be happy.
So today I am going to say goodbye to that. Goodbye to all the bullshit. Even if I know that tommorow morning when I wake up it will still be there.
It will still be there, driving me mad, making me cry, and making me angry at myself for allowing it to affect me in any way whatsoever.