Interesting past few days. For once it has been sunny and warm in Dublin
, although that all changed a couple hours ago
as yet again the clouds filled the sky.
Honestly I don't know how to feel right now. I have been able to do nothing except think of you the past four days and it has torn me apart not knowing whether I should be thinking of you and being happy, or thinking of you and worrying. Worrying that something is wrong, that you are upset with me, and I just don't know now. I figured you lost your phone, and whatever, that's cool, I think it is a little silly. But the way you acted today when I saw you was strange. You seemed distant in a way that hurt me to face.
And just the simple fact that you gave me a look of dissaproval when I told you that Jane and I had smoked, what is that about? Since when did you become so bothered by that shit?
And the email you sent me was weird too. I told you that I missed you and that I hoped everything was ok, and you just simply wrote, "i lost my phone on saturday shitbox." I dunno, maybe I am reading into it too much, maybe I am reading you completely wrong....
Something just doesn't seem right that's all. And I am afraid, I feel vulnerable and empty, something you told me I woud never have to feel when I was with you. And now, now it just seems like things are going downhill and I am powerless to stop it.
Why does this fucking shit have to happen. Why do I have to get caught up so easily and always be let down?
Why can't something just work out for once, please?!
And people wonder why I feel like giving up all the time.....