--who do you
hate?
--huh? i don’t hate anyone.
--im not interested in that. you have to choose. tell me who you blame for
the first world war goddam it and hate them for it.
--what are you talking about?
--and be quick about it.
don’t waste my time thinking. just hate them. tell me who you hate. and make goddam sure your hatred comes through in your voice when you say it.
--but i don’t hate anyone...
--goddam it you’re not allowed not to hate anyone. don’t you know how many millions of innocent people were ground up and left to rot on the
battlefields of world war one? not hating someone is a
luxury in which youre not permitted to
indulge. so be quick about it. and i want to hear the
venom in your voice.
--but i dont understand...
--who the hell asked you to
understand anything? understanding is inimical
the necessary emotion. i want you to hate someone and make me believe it.
--well who do you hate?
--i hate the goddam
french. sonsofbitches.
--what do you hate the french for?
--oh what? you
interrogating me now? you asked me who i hated and i told you. why dont you do me the same goddam
courtesy and answer the fucking question.
--ok. i hate
canadians—
--jesus christ. gimme a break. you cant hate your own nation. i want—
--do you wanna hear my reason?
--no i dont wanna hear your fucking reason. there is no acceptable reason to hate canada. its not permitted.
--just listen—
--absolutely not. dont think you can
weasel out of your
responsibility for hatred with
subtle arguments. im not fucking interested. just answer the question. and i dont wanna hear any more
bullshit about hating fucking canadians. smartass.
--ok. then i hate new zealand.
--jesus. are you fucking with me?
new zealand is too pathetic to hate.
--exactly.
--no. not 'exactly'. youre a member of the
commonwealth. youre not allowed to hate other member nations. especially ones as pathetic as new zealand.
--well who am i allowed to hate then?
--hate the goddam
russians if you have to. hate the...
italians. no. italians are even more pathetic than the
kiwis. poor sonsofbitches--constantly reminded of past glory. every time they open their goddam eyes its another ancient ruin. who can blame them for teaming up with someone who promised a return to the good old days?
--can i hate the
germans then?
--christ. everybody already hates the germans. what, are you afraid of making a mistake? why dont you hate the hungarians--or the austrians or whoever the hell they thought they were. what use were they to the germans? i bet the germans hated them.
--well i hate canadians.
--oh for cying out loud. not that
nonsense again. i already told you: youre not allowed to hate canadians. why dont you hate the grand turk?
--the who?
--the
turk. istanbul. the sick old bastard of europe.
--but i hate canadians.
--youre trying to piss me off, arent you? you can hate the russians, the germans, the french, italians—no i forgot you cant hate them--hungarians... who the hell am i forgetting?
--i wanna tell you why i hate canadians—
--i dont give a fuck why you hate canadians. and dont be working your
sophistry on me. hate the turk. hate the goddam
brits if you have to.
--i thought i couldnt hate commonwealth countries.
--well you can hate the brits. lords of the fucking manor in their bloody
dreadnaughts. who am i missing? and dont mention the goddam canadians again.
--but i have a good reason—
--tell it to the hand. i wanna hear venom in your voice.
--but—
--alright you can hate the french and i ll choose someone else. id rather hate the grand turk anyway.
--why do you keep calling them the 'grand turk'?
--jesus. enough of your
questions. if you cant hate those responsible for the great war i ll never have any respect for you.