--who do you hate
--huh? i don’t hate anyone.
--im not interested in that. you have to choose. tell me who you blame for the first world war
goddam it and hate them for it.
--what are you talking about?
--and be quick about it. don’t waste my time thinking
. just hate them. tell me who you hate. and make goddam sure your hatred comes through in your voice when you say it.
--but i don’t hate anyone...
--goddam it you’re not allowed not to hate anyone. don’t you know how many millions of innocent people were ground up and left to rot on the battlefields
of world war one? not hating someone is a luxury
in which youre not permitted to indulge
. so be quick about it. and i want to hear the venom
in your voice.
--but i dont understand...
--who the hell asked you to understand
anything? understanding is inimical the necessary emotion
. i want you to hate someone and make me believe it.
--well who do you hate?
--i hate the goddam french
--what do you hate the french for?
--oh what? you interrogating
me now? you asked me who i hated and i told you. why dont you do me the same goddam courtesy
and answer the fucking question.
--ok. i hate canadians
--jesus christ. gimme a break. you cant hate your own nation. i want—
--do you wanna hear my reason?
--no i dont wanna hear your fucking reason. there is no acceptable reason to hate canada. its not permitted.
--absolutely not. dont think you can weasel
out of your responsibility
for hatred with subtle arguments
. im not fucking interested. just answer the question. and i dont wanna hear any more bullshit
about hating fucking canadians. smartass.
--ok. then i hate new zealand.
--jesus. are you fucking with me? new zealand
is too pathetic to hate.
--no. not 'exactly'. youre a member of the commonwealth
. youre not allowed to hate other member nations. especially ones as pathetic as new zealand.
--well who am i allowed to hate then?
--hate the goddam russians
if you have to. hate the... italians
. no. italians are even more pathetic than the kiwis
. poor sonsofbitches--constantly reminded of past glory. every time they open their goddam eyes its another ancient ruin. who can blame them for teaming up with someone who promised a return to the good old days?
--can i hate the germans
--christ. everybody already hates the germans. what, are you afraid of making a mistake? why dont you hate the hungarians--or the austrians or whoever the hell they thought they were. what use were they to the germans? i bet the germans hated them.
--well i hate canadians.
--oh for cying out loud. not that nonsense
again. i already told you: youre not allowed to hate canadians. why dont you hate the grand turk?
. istanbul. the sick old bastard of europe.
--but i hate canadians.
--youre trying to piss me off, arent you? you can hate the russians, the germans, the french, italians—no i forgot you cant hate them--hungarians... who the hell am i forgetting?
--i wanna tell you why i hate canadians—
--i dont give a fuck why you hate canadians. and dont be working your sophistry
on me. hate the turk. hate the goddam brits
if you have to.
--i thought i couldnt hate commonwealth countries.
--well you can hate the brits. lords of the fucking manor in their bloody dreadnaughts
. who am i missing? and dont mention the goddam canadians again.
--but i have a good reason—
--tell it to the hand. i wanna hear venom in your voice.
--alright you can hate the french and i ll choose someone else. id rather hate the grand turk anyway.
--why do you keep calling them the 'grand turk'?
--jesus. enough of your questions
. if you cant hate those responsible for the great war i ll never have any respect for you.