d anything in a few days, I haven't even been home in a few days.
Alot has happened, though.
Primarily, a really great friend of mine named Malachi has returned to Asheville
, and we have been hanging out alot in the last few days.
I've also decided that I have a (rather intense) crush on a close friend of mine (her name is Bethany). I know it's stupid
because not only am I not good with girlfriends (or friends for that matter), it is nearly impossible
to shift a good close friendship
to something more intimate
I don't know how to explain the last few days, so instead I will give some excerpts from my "Paper Daylog
" (a spiral bound notebook that is with me at all times, unlike my computer
Gears turn the mechanisms of memory's frears,
rolling like clockwork that never rusts through the years,
A perfectly oiled machine that kept my thoughts clear,
And 18 years since it's inception,
I play monkey wrench games of deception,
with my own machinery,
to put a new spin on my scenery,
Change my reds and yellows to blues and greenery.
I wrote this shortly after I smoked pot
for the first time in about 2 years. I quit smoking just because I felt it was time for me to quit, and I only smoked this one time because it was with Malachi (and he is very special
) and because I gank
ed the pot from my dad who smokes (so it was free
A rush of adrenaline pumps the day forward with no anxios waits or awkward pauses, no flaws, just understanding.
The unspoken thing,
Preaching to me that the surges of people in unguided mobs to and from peacefull existence is the human race's way of expressing the new growth of spring, instead of budding and flowering.
The ebb and flow of thoughts, ideas, people, even money move like tides in and out of each persons individual perception at what seems to be an arbitrary rate.
Only as a collective whole can people see the world for what it truly is.
Only as an active member of this collective whole can any individual understand the minute perfection of reality.
You can't see the clockwork without being a working gear yourself.
I wrote this when I was watching everyone in the coffee shop
acting all anxious
and restless because of spring-time energy.
I got rather depressed
when I saw how everyone felt like "doing something", but that something
was just to sit around, drink coffee
, and talk.
I felt like if everyone got together to do something productive during this early spring period, an immense task could be accomplished.
It just saddened me to see all that energy being wasted.