I am not the text I type to make you laugh to let you know that I'm still here because I'm not
Candle burning at both ends just so you may see I never meant to leave you when I never knew I had you but I did
And the time has flown and it no longer burns and I don't have to send my mind away to stay
Because this is so unreal and I fall awake in dreams and my bare feet hover on the rising waves of heat
Up off the street from where I'm standing walking running and I'm waiting because I still love you like before
The joker who you see that is my front to stay inside your picture frame
So afraid that the line will blur if I keep going like I am but it is that I can no longer bear
Because the hardest thing in the world for me has not been the darkness or the depths I've trudged and climbed to find my way back to you
It is wanting nothing but to be there in your arms in your eyes but all I see is you pretending you're not there
This is not living.
I am not the jokes I have made to cover up the lies I can hardly face because they were never mine and I have no choice
You can't hear my screams for help because my voice is trapped in letters I have written and stowed away to never send
Feeling like I've gone too far and there's no hand to reach when the air is too thin to breathe as I'm drifting farther
From the places I am not bound to sit years and years alone being hated because no one can understand
Pouring my heart into binary boneyards as if I'm quarantined from existence
These rooms of silent words and animated faces I'm trapped inside my thoughts while trapped inside a cage and
This is not living.
I am no longer where you've always found me and will not be because I guess I feel it is not fair
So long have I surrendered freewill to reach you but now I feel a fool just sitting idly by
Tired of fighting and playing games to make believe that we are together but we are not and it all just seems absurd
Because there is no life to live or being to be in this scene in the absence of what is physical and what is real
It is not that I think you intend to make me feel so low but it is the truth that you make me so
You know my face and my name and my life and the way I feel but you give nothing in return
Still deep within I know there is more so my direction it now must change
Having no way to speak in this hell in this solitude in the nothingness of a cold digital world
The love I feel is consuming me and hurting me and it is wrong so I now must go
This is me, living.