I always felt lonely and isolated growing up. My mother didn't ever understand what it was like to be a half asian girl in America, or even just growing up in America. My father was military and he was never home. They were together for 22 years until they finally got divorced. I think they were in love and tried to make it work in the beginning but after a while, all I remember is their misery and indifference towards each other. I attended schools where everyone was either white or black. My friends were usually white but it was not always easy trying to fit in as an adolescent when my homelife was of 2 different cultures trying to make it work.
My last year in high school, my father got stationed in Korea and there I felt like I was finally home because all my friends were half breeds. Almost everyone was in the school I went. I loved it!! Until then, I never knew anyone like me existed. When they came over to my home, I didn't have to explain why we had to take our shoes off, or my mom's Asian accent or eating funny-smelling food with chopsticks. It was soooo nice. Of course it didn't last because I had to come back to the States, on to college. And to make matters worse, my dad's side of the family are pretty hick, from the backwoods so growing up visiting my grandparents were always like everyone treating me like an alien-born kid. I had to go to college near the only family we had in America which were my grandparents living in a small hick town. I think there was one Asian family there in the entire town. It was a horrible experience that I didn't know at the time.
I can look more or less Asian depending on what I wear and how I do my hair/makeup. I suppose I've had plenty of caucasian females and males that find my exotic looks appealing but that was not always the case growing up...
Anyhow, I don't hate being half asian. Life has been pretty good for me I supposed. I have a B.S. degree and decent job but I've always wished I had more friends that were like me. My husband is caucasian and none of his family members know anyone Asian. I don't think his mom ever knew what sushi was until recently. It may be all learning experience for people who don't know the Asian culture, but I would just like to hang with half breeds who has been exposed to both sides of the culture their entire life. I suppose I am lucky that I can like both "sushi & pizza" in one sitting but I'd like to have some girlfriends that can say that also!!!
I don't think I would fit in with the traditional full-Asian community. I don't considere myself the traditional Asian, like those who have come to this great country with all their own culture instilled in them. I am an American even if I have to keep telling people who ask me where I am from.