It seems small, and it is slow and it sneaks up on you. At first you are simply feeling more than usual, you are noticing the way the wind plays with poplar leaves, the way it pushes the windows in when it is angry
. At first you are only smiling at the sunrise and sacrificing your eyes to its descent. There is still a feeling of empty
And then you are hiding in the tall grass, staring at pale blue skies and cloudy whisps. There is very little that can hurt you here, you are strong
and full and you are almost sure
. Counting blades of grass because nothing matters unless it can never end. Unless you know that it will feed you forever, like this feeling that is more than all of this now. This feeling that is filling your head and your eyes and you scarcely remember how to breathe, sometimes. It is like this.
Inside of it all, now, too deep and finished with hiding and dreaming. It is real, and you are sure.. And when you thought about love
and falling and spending a lifetime with someone, you did not think it would be quite like this. You did not think that it would be so hard to fight all of the things that seeped into the empty spaces inside of you before these feelings came along. All of the things that made it hurt are still there and it didn't melt away, this isn't a movie and god, you are so scared
Mingled fingers and tangled lips and words
. And you are both so scared and then.. why? The instant when it falls away and you slide into them as if souls exist
and solely for this moment.
If you cared to believe, I'd tell you it is in the whispering that you will know. The eyes staring into yours, the barely audible middle of the night whispers
that will turn you. They will be softest words you've ever known.