I cannot recall a time when I did not consider September
first to be the beginning of a year, perhaps the end of summer signifies an ending better than the middle of winter, while most things are already in progress
I've developed an at least extreme fondness of the Beatles, specifically Abbey Road
, and Rubber Soul
, but definitely not excluding others. This is due mainly, of course, to Marc
, who exposed me to them in the first place. Quite silly that I'd been alive so long before really listening to them.
A confusing situation of sorts.. my dog has turned rather owl'y and angry at the outside world in his old age, moreso than he'd been previously. I don't want to put him down, but am not sure what other option there is.. waiting until someone gets really hurt doesn't seem like a good idea. The hesitation point
s are first of all that he is not hostile towards me or the rest of my family, people he's familiar with, the second being morally based. I don't feel it should be my decision when anything lives or dies.
Marc is off travelling across the universe
and I miss him, it's only been a few days since I was with him (physically), and I am having trouble registering with reality at present. It seems as if I've been slightly dazed all week, and as much as I'd like to be more real again, I hesitate slightly at the thought of 'real' feelings. That means pain and hurting, at least to a point.
I guess I am sort of shut off right now.. I've cried a few times, briefly but intensely, somehow it managed not to stay on the surface for too long. I think it was mostly spurred by exhaustion, anyway.
So here I am, some would say (the optimists) I've so much opportunity and chance, a clean slate
perhaps.. personally, despite my want to edge away from pessimism, I am not really sure what's going on at all. Jared suggests a car and a job will make it all go away, but I'm not entirely sure of that, either. I think everyone has a place in the universe, and I think, this just isn't mine, it does not suit me to any degree, aside from perhaps its proximity to nature
and trees and non-human life.
I think it's slightly amusing, the crossroads that so very very many people are currently at.. so many new beginning
s, all unfolding today
. We're all so very alone, participating in the creation of this 'life' business.
I am reading, and nearly finished "Life After God
" by Douglas Coupland
and it's got me to thinking that perhaps I should write a book, because I am thoroughly enjoying reading the words that are simply thought, random thought, recorded. And I can do that, I think.