i've never been afraid of text, unless it was my own, unless it fell from this head. i have never been worried that the words might be too potent or too drawn from random thought. i didn't know that you may have blinked once, and thought of me or, have you ever seen something and had it reflect the way you thought of me at any given point? not that we are close, i hardly know you.. i don't even know who you are, or if these thoughts are for you.. i'm placing them here, just because.

some of the things i scrawl here could easily find their way into a node of their own. but they will not. some of the thought that i spill here is specifically for one person, or a small number of people.. and i feel more secure inside the little white box when i know that here, there need be nothing more than what i may have done in a day. instead, i write what i've thought, the things that were floating in my head.

no one cares if i went to the bathroom this morning. no one needs to know that i watched television.. no one cares, and if they do, it's only because they've not looked at the fallen leaves, or stared up at a star-filled sky.. at least, not recently. though, i will mention a bit of an activity that i chose to partake in today..

there are bales of hay, large, round, resting on the hill not so far behind this house, beyond these walls that keep the outside, out. i walked there today, with her and we climbed up onto the hay and stared at everything. the town, the sky, the bugs crawling over our seats. i layed back and removed my glasses after noting the intense blue of the sky directly above us. my reasoning: there are so few times that i can see exactly the same thing with or without these filters, this glass that seems to hold me back always. i saw the blue, either way.. solid and clear and i smiled. we thanked someone for the day.. for the chance to sit there. she said she was happy to be alive. i was, too, but instead of saying it i threw a piece of hay into her lap.

there are too few words in the english language. i'd make them up but i think people often are confused by my writing without the addition of words whose definition is known only to me.

"i cannot be, until you're resting here with me."