being awake is too much, the nights are filled with dreams that throw me, and i am beyond tired, anymore.

i do want to go.. more than anyone knows. i am terrified of a lot of things, it is ruining my sleep, and i just need away from here for a while.

i feel selfish. i have been breaking more and more and i feel so selfish for it. pull yourself together, look straight faced into the day.. no one is making this any easier on me.. but then, there are few this is really easy on, anyway.

you don't expect these things.. not usually. i expected it, for some reason. what i didn't expect was the fact that i would drop so much just to be able to go to you.. that i would be willing to do this on my own, because i need it. (and i do..)

it is so hard, sometimes, to do something for yourself when there are so many others to consider. i am sorry, i just can't break anymore..