it's sort of like this...

sitting a long while, staring quietly, intently.. and then slowly i remember something. some words i scrawled here and i think, "oh, there you are" and it is this little piece of myself i'd thought completely gone by now. idle all this time and what to do with myself now, having realized that it's mostly impossible to simply lose a piece of yourself. it just sinks so deep.. easy to forget it is even in there, really.

so much has changed in the last year. so much. boston is so far from who i am, the people that i spent so much time with.. it all seems to be such a long time ago now. i scarcely remember how to live like that.. not that i ever knew exactly what living like that was supposed to be like. never settling, anyway.. always back and forth. it's something, yes - but it is not enough.

this feels a cowards route, really. poking my head in like this, tentatively, i know that things are not the same here anymore and i know that people are not the same here anymore. i don't mind so much, i guess.. perhaps it's because i am not the same, either.