my hands were, are still, shaking and i couldn't hold on to anything except those handles.. the bike's, that is, and i rode it lazily around the driveway with little effort. it's a smooth ride for the most part, and i made a conscious effort to avoid hitting the car every time i passed the deck. i was staring at the ground, though, and the air was so thick with fog that it would envelope my glasses every so often, i just closed my tired eyes those times when i wouldn't have seen anyway.

i went towards the barn, i thought maybe.. i'd see the moon above the lilac tree where it sometimes seems to rest upon the upper branches on nice evenings. i hadn't thought of the fog, though, and realized i'd not be able to see the stars or moonbeams bathing the night with a subtle glow. it was still there, though, it just had a sort of dim presence about it. the night is not terribly dark, and the street lights hit my driveway just enough for it not to matter if it were.

it was kind of odd when my eyes were open, because i just stared at the ground passing beneath me, and i didn't watch what was in front of me at all, as per usual. the second time i went back towards the barn, after i'd circled around and hit the grass just a little, careful to avoid any frog life, i noticed that the car wasn't actually in the place it is usually parked so neatly, tucked in beside the deck. i remembered they'd moved it to allow for grass cutting. i had been so sure i almost hit it a few times, but it wasn't there at all.

i didn't even notice the night when i walked out the back door, i hadn't taken in the fact that rain must have poured at some point tonight to create such fog and the little puddles i splashed through, the ones that sort of woke me up to the world.

i hadn't noticed, i felt like whispering to night bugs, help me because i hadn't noticed.. someone should be with me these times. i know this but, they weren't and i walked to the end of the lane and stood beneath the street light and i thought of you. just then, for a moment, you were there and i smiled one of those smiles that can only be when achingly beautiful thoughts float around in my head.