(This is merely a half-hearted attempt to capture even the smallest bits of what this was for me.. excuse the rambling sometimes lack of focus.)

Sitting on the frontsteps waiting for jesus, I am afraid and my stomach is in knots. I only know these people in pieces, in words and what if I don't know them at all. I am thinking I will be too afraid to say anything of substance, anything at all. I think I hid it well, but I will say that I do not remember anything between walking in the door and tedd's arms.

This is for me, and this is for the people that didn't wander onto the front porch. I was watching all of you. Sometimes, I would walk slowly past someone and catch their eyes and I would smile but that is all, mostly, it is fear and it is intimidation but mostly fear. I've never been to a large noder gathering, I've rarely been to the smallest ones. I have to say, though, this thing was magical. I was utterly amazed at how well everything came together and while everyone has thanked carla and miller (as they should, a thousand times over), there were many many people driving all over the place at a moments notice to collect everyone from various city points, the airport. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Everyone. This would not have worked out, not nearly as smoothly, were it not for the people who were willing to chariot people around this crazy city everyday.

There were people that I came to this gathering for specifically, there were people I did not think I would find quite so absolutely gorgeous. There were those that I simply watched, from time to time, sleeping, talking, leaning against a wall. So many of you are sparkle'y beautiful creatures, some of you have such beautiful eyes. It was nice to finally meet all of the people that have been hanging around #e forever.. void'y, CowboyNeal, Infinite Burn. I especially liked meeting the quiet ones, even though we didn't exchange many words.. Sondheim, Aresds, Phyllis Stein, perdedor the ninja.. there were soo many of you, so so many. For the record, I will confirm that ideath does in fact positively beam magic and glowiness.

This next bit is for carla and miller, mostly, they put a lot of time and effort into the scavenger hunt and so, this is how it went for me (us): I remember mostly karmaflux and trying to break into the locked boxes to steal menus at the underground, trying to decide exactly which was the pirate's favourite sword, touching the puppy at the firehouse and how such a little thing seemed to give me something i thought i'd mostly lost, long ago. I remember when they rubbed the cock, getting a stern talking to by people more concerned with "the right thing to do" (or not to do) than some of us. I remember wondering why anyone seemed bothered by his enthusiasm, why anyone would want to drink at three p.m., and that I should love pigeons a thousand times more than I do to make up for how much everyone else seems to hate them. Our trip out to see jm, meeting up with the other groups, piling into the back row of seats on the bus. I remember the picture at the Commonwealth Ave. sign, and how we assured the lady when she seemed surprised we wanted the sign in the picture. I remember kflux carrying a board with nails in it around for a while, and the invisible weaving. It was an interesting, tiring day, and I have to say that marc, jenny and kurt were really the main reasons it was so much fun for me, especially when the group split up. Nick, kara, kat, chris, will and anyone else (I am seriously having trouble remembering names at present), it was a really good day, thanks to all of you.

I also have to mention that QXZ, jaubertmoniker, herbman and anyone else who participated in the musical aspect of this gathering.. you were amazing, and the perfect backdrop to the alternate level of reality I was in on Sunday.

There were people who completely threw me with their simple kindness, their smiles and hugs and the words that we tossed between eachother. WonkoDSane has, undeniably, the most friendly welcoming eyes I've come across ever. radlab0 is everything that you are thinking she might be, and much much more. yossarian is as dreamy as ever, and I got in as many hugs as possible, it was so good to see you again. I just want to keep going and going and going (but I won't, I won't). If I had to single out one thing that really stayed with me.. it would have to be the hug I got from hemos across the street from Vinny Testas. It was a really good hug, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Really. (I can't honestly single out any one thing, though, I loved the hugs the most. If there is one thing there was no shortage of here, it was hugs.)


Last night (Monday), the locals all gathered with tandex (who is the greatest, loveliest human) and we talked and we were all so funny I could hardly stand us. (Seriously, it was all too much, I laughed and laughed and it hurt.) OrangeJulius might possibly be the funniest most charming New England'er ever, and despite extreme exhaustion, a dry contact, and the waitresses attempt to poison him, JayBonci was also quite hilarious. It was a really good time, very low key, and we got to talk about all of you, the whole gathering. It was a great way to end an amazing weekend..

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Everyone. I have never been quite so in love with humans, this place.. thank you for the memories, and thank you for the tiny pink piggy, it means everything.