i read through daylogs, regularly.. i write daylogs, sort of regularly. many of them have a common thread that has been pointed out more than once but.. why is everyone so sad? or so alone or so afraid or so weak and so tired and why are so few people living how they want to be?

i hear it really is that easy. i believe that it is.. so i'm going to leave here, some time, soon, i can't live like this, i'm not living at all. i'm just coping with days that hold nothing for me but smatherings of stuff to write about.

i have a tendency to push people away, i am not sure if i mean to. i try to talk about things when i am sad, because i used to keep it inside, and that is where it hurts the most. it makes me sick, when it is in there.

so i have no idea what to do with the people who don't understand. i know exactly what to do.. i am just not sure how to do it. others have been through much more. i wish that were more consoling.

goodbye's are painful.. but some are so necessary. all i'm sure of is that i can't do any of this alone.