someday, this place is going to burn.. is your whole life in there waiting?

woke to sounds, to hostile, ever-agitated voices, to no one, and everyone. they all seem so startled by the presence of snow (mind you, a lot of it) but, it is only snow, after all. i am not so sure as to why everyone complains about it as much as they do, it's just there, and you live your life around it, in it, through it underneath it.

four days. the sixteenth is my christmas this year.. i've never liked official dates anyway, most everything that is good in my life has never been bound to calendars or clocks. normally by now i would be begging the parental figures to get our tree. this year it doesn't seem too important, at least not yet. perhaps i'll want one at some point in the near future.

i'm quite.. tired, sore, mostly tired. something about the night made me uneasy (perhaps it was simply the harsh winds..), i did not sleep well.

things that need to be said..
i am.. sorry, but only because i've never wanted to be a source of heart ache for anyone. you were always unsure, my mind is too full and too much, it needs more than you could give, it needs something solid to hold onto. you said.. it was as much your fault as mine, but i am not so sure that it was anyone's fault, just that it would not have worked, couldn't have. i thought we both knew that going in.. you were the one assuring me that if ever it were too much, you'd have to step away. i thought we would always be friends, it seemed to me that we were just good friends in the end anyway, that is why i asked you (and i did ask you). i had reservations then, as to what was the right decision, but you seemed so content with it. i keep wondering, what did you expect then? why would you assume that upon abandoning any real responsibility, i would still linger, wait.. i have done my share of waiting around for something or someone you know that, i am not so weak as i used to be. you'll find someone.. they won't be me, don't expect that.. don't expect anything.

oh the leetle humans.. milling about the planet. also, i think i have mono. heh