shackled to a heart that wants to settle, and then runs away..

today is my father's birthday. all things considered, i will take today simply to be thankful that he was strong enough. it seems it was only days ago.. and i am always unsettled-nervous, hoping it is all okay. i am never ready.

things are quite strange lately. i am rarely lonely, often alone. i am confused and mostly happy, except when i am not. i love you, although i am frequently questioning how much i love the way life is unfolding.

lately you have me so content to simply exist. it has been a while. thank you.

i am watching the cd spin in my head around and around, picturing the music all dizzy and perfect. there is something in his words, in the way that he sings them. i can hardly think of listening to much else the last few days. so if she goes away, well, it's alright and i'm okay.

i am torn and i am afraid and nothing seems to make sense but, everything is so insanely beautiful.