Why do I still allow him to hurt me? I should know better by now, I shouldn't expect any different. Why do I expect him to behave like a rational human being? Obviously, I'm a slow learner. Even a flatworm that runs up against an electric shock learns to avoid it - outclassed by a flatworm, that's sad.
I know I'm going to have to deal with him for the rest of my life - after all, he's the father of my children (using the term "father" in its strictest biological sense). Why can't he come to the same conclusion and cease the open warfare - in front of my children, no less - that he is single-handedly waging against me?
He was gone, on leave to Washington State to get his motorcycle, for two weeks. The children were with me. He did not attempt to contact them even once. He was gone over Father's Day. My sense of fairness compelled me to help (suggest, even) the kids get a present for him and to make a card. We searched around, found a book about the wilderness (he likes hunting) and some really cute glass tool ornaments (he likes tools). He was to sign back in to Ft. Campbell Wednesday June 18, 2003. The kids and I waited to hear when he wanted me to return them - no call. Thursday, no call. Friday, no call.
Friday afternoon I told the kids we should stop by to see if he was there and to let them at least give him his Father's Day presents. We drove up, his doors were open, his motorcycle was there, so I parked the car at the end of the driveway, where he was working on repairing the holes he had cut in the tires of my car when he took it away (iirc, April 20, 2003). I got the kids out of the car and walked up to him. He turned, looked at me and said "You're trespassing, get off my fucking property or I'll call the cops". I saw that the trunk of the car was open, and said "you know, that's still my stuff in there. Can I have it back?" He said "Get the fuck off my property now or I will call the cops", and kept yelling this at me while I tried to talk to him. I gathered the kids up and put them back in the car, with him saying "The kids are welcome to stay, it's you I want off my property, after all they live here". As I was leaving he yelled at me to stay the fuck off his property. As I was reversing down the driveway I threw the bag with his gifts out the car window.
Why do I let this hurt me? I wish I could just shrug it off as more evidence of him being an asshole, but on the way home I started to cry silently, trying not to let the kids see it. I try to be a decent person when I deal with him - why?
Less intelligence than God gave a flatworm.