Have you ever cried? I'm not talking about when you scrape your knee, or back when you were a kid and your favorite toy got taken away... I'm talking about a true cry. A real cry. There's nothing beautiful about a cry, I hate to say... I really wanted to stay beautiful.

I was supposed to be able to protect her, damn it... but I couldn't protect her from my own mistakes. I'm new at all this relationship business... why can't I seem to understand it?

I need to apologize. I need to reset this, or try to. I know it's impossible, but damn it, I can't lose my friends, or even my beliefs over this. Maybe we do need to wait. Maybe we do need to see come a month, two months, six months, a year's time if these feelings still exist. But... but I don't know how I'm gonna make it happen... I don't want to hurt Robin, but she and Mia... It's just too much for me to handle. It's selfish, but if I can't have Mia, I really can't let Robin have her. Having someone living in your head is hard.

Is this how Derek feels? I mean, not exactly... but something similar. I need to talk to him about this, I need to talk to Mia, and talk with Robin, and everyone, and try to sort this out, I hope. I really, really hope so.

I may not know love, but I know what I like

And yes, I know that "Beautiful" is almost as misused as "love" and all that jazz.