I had a long talk with my brother tonight while my other half taught my dad how to set up the computer he just bought. It has been such a long time since my brother and I have talked, when it started he opened up like a dam, words pouring spilling over each other. He had nobody to talk to the way he used to talk to me when we were kids. He was depressed, and stressed. He had no outlet. So tonight, I gave him the opportunity to talk. He took it.
Grace, I miss being a kid. I just want to be a kid again and fix all the things I couldn't fix then. I want to tell that kid that it's ok and that I am good enough, I am more than good enough. Grace, how do you fix something that's been broken for so many years?
Grace, I miss you.
Grace, why does life have to be so very hard? I am 25. I am not giving myself enough credit and I feel like I could do so much more... why aren't I doing more?
Grace, I have fucked things up with my girl and I don't know how to fix it. I love her but I can't marry someone who can't trust me and I know this is my own damned fault. How do I make her trust me again? How do I trust myself again?
Grace, remember when we used to play Peter Pan? And we would hide under a blanket and pretend we were eaten up by the alligator. Grace, I want to hide under that blanket again.
Grace, I don't say this enough, but I love you. You're the only sister I have and I only now realize what Mom and Dad were saying all those times they told us to be kind to each other, because we were the only siblings the other had.
Grace, I'm sorry for all the mean things I did and said. You know I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
My brother cried today. My brother made me cry.