into total anonymity.
Adopted and nameless
stranger in town.
The perfect disguise:
two dimensions in plain sight.
And with the turn of a hand
five fingers can appear as only one.
into a dismal University bar scene
into an improvised audition space
for which to play dumb
and pretend you're the girl who likes to be used.
Into clouds made of crowns, or
crowds made of clowns?
you feel less out of place
in my little crowd.
Become the quiet girl on the couch,
likes the drinking games but won't play,
says she can't drink when she's on her meds
(She hasn't taken the pills for weeks).
It is when we step outside to smoke
that she is all lights and alive.
that I am over-apologetic by nature.
That you don't think it's fair
I only hate myself because
I am so unwanted.
You'll raise my chin without even touching me.
Not even once.
the wolves and vultures
all my girl problems and problem girls.
The cynics sent to deteriorate.
You drag me out
from under the bus, again, and I'll say
it's finally time I can laugh about it, and you say
I've got your back if you let me.
But if those bullets got my name on 'em I'll
never let 'em hurt your arms no more.
Come rest in me, you have bled yourself dry, shhh, come.
Not to serve, not to love, but to suffocate. Oh
I know you hate it but though I've killed you many times
in my mind I will not let you die, I will brace you
as a cast so tightly so isolated so immobilized you could only