Holding the sword tightly and warmly in my chest, pinning the memories down as long as I can. (event)
To play, to sunder, to lose
It's your eyes to choose
[Is it time?] And for who?
[Part one], or [There is a road that leads to a road that leads to Michigan.|part two]?
Is it me? Or you?
*(This is where it gets really really really really fucking dangerous. It's fine.)
Try to go back
Can I afford to let [everything we found] that night bleed till it's dead? Oh yeah, that one night you took me home, can I sit quietly and watch it come to that? For all the lines that were crossed, all was [done and said], we're gonna let it bleed between the [chalk] lines in the place it was last seen??
It's not what she said. [It's not how] she said it. It's actually both.
We talked [about the night] you first told me about your scars. I saw those scars for the first time a couple hours later. That was you? You, of all people, the audacity to do this to yourself? Fucking angel, [Narcotic Prayer|nipple rung, tattooed], [blankth generation] [small town exile] broken [as shit] bottom of a bottle fucking [Aphrodite].
You were eighty percent angel
"I never ever ever want you to feel like that."
[Did it really have to be me, or could it have just been anyone who doesn't fit?] Why am I the one you choose to tolerate? Why am I [fed]? How do I deserve this? [You are nothing but a cursed cynical asshat] and yet you choose to ignore [how much] of your time I'm wasting. [Snow Day|Why are you so into me]?
Why [were we so much more] honest about the way we felt [when we were drinking]? Why did we let it fall back to mind games, [time-tables], [What makes me beautiful|fencing]? [I liked us when] we could openly admit to pushing buttons, making measurements, carefully dipping toes into the water, and [blow raspberries at each other about it|live to tell about it]. We were scared. Or at least nervous. It felt good to know that. It felt good to say that. I feel betrayed.
So don't hate me just because I want to see you. Tonight. [I will not lie, you are fucking delicious]. I've got two more weeks before I [well, anymore it's just as good as suicide|leave], and I swear they're yours if you want them. Don't tell me you're ashamed? Don't tell me you're embarrassed? Don't tell me you're afraid? Don't tell me you're putting [first things first]? Actually yeah, please, tell me one of those things. One of those things first. Before I start thinking about it. Because I know I've done my time. I've earned the right [to have you], [if I want you]. Maybe [they]'re right, maybe I only want you [Some people only love the things they can hold in their hands. Other people only love the things they can't.|cause I can't have you.] But that doesn't make a difference. I know I have a right to fall on my own sword tonight. Maybe I am going way too far, but hey, [we won't even pretend you scarred me more than I scarred you]. Not [in the long run] anyway. You're the one who's playing so close to your chest. You're the one who got pushed.
You got kicked
[What's the point in all this screaming]
I will [never for the rest of my life] forget that [the sacredness and intimacies of an almost familiar and very untidy bedroom floor the morning after|carnage]. I almost bailed, jumped a train to nowhere that morning. Like I said, [Leaving. It's just as good.] I don't think it would've hurt you too bad. You'd have [lost a friend] more than a chance, I hate it, I hate it.
Breakfast was good. It was good that [I could still feel] you. It was good I could still feel you wriggle yourself [closer] long after water tasted like puke, the word alcohol called upon gales of fish guts and bathroom floors and where the fuck did I leave my purse. [You cared. Even when you were given the choice.] That's gotta be worth something.
Yeah, she said something you would expect. Something about putting up a bunch of fronts, I'd called her out again about keeping her guard up.
Speaking of ego. You took the moment where [my tongue and your tongue finally found a home together] to ask me, through the most [arrogant laughter] I've ever heard.
"What exactly [do you think] you're proving?"
[That's okay]. The shoe dropped. Finally. [One down, one to go].
There is [still] a parking garage. There is an [The Summer Ends|embrace].
Just an embrace.
Of course I've known you [29 years|long before I met you]. [Yeah, you're special alright, but you're nothing] I haven't seen before. You know how people have [desert island album]s right? You're a desert island person. [I would choose you]. But I've seen you in other people, and I know I'll see you again. [Basically most of you all the same] handful of people recycled over and over again as [I float] downstream. But you. You're different now. You've been [chosen] now. This little piggie got branded. This little piggie knows it's mine. But for all the nipple rings and tattoos and hair and hands and fingers that might [get lost] [from point A to point B] I threw you something you can't get rid of. I got it on your soul, and everywhere else you could possibly be hiding. [It's like I threw herpes on your soul bitch, you got that shit fo' EVA]. Sorry. I didn't mean to call you that. You'll get me back some day.
You don't even rem[ember off the top of your head]? Those lines I was tracing on your back with my fingers? [Soft as melted butter], [soft as chalk]? Yeah, I know you were still [intoxicated|fucked up], you probably couldn't work out the letters in your mind or you didn't care to, but I know you were there. I know you could tell, not sure if you could [feel it, per se]. But [I gave you something I can always see no matter what you do], and [if my mind lets me forget then my fingers sure won't]. And if you wanna know you'll have to come here to find it. [Good luck.]
Yeah, I was a little surprised, I guess that's normal. Given the circumstances [you never know] quite what to expect from [the morning after], especially when [euphemism|liquid courage] is involved. Where are we? What shame have you? [What would we have done and said differently if we hadn't been so goddamn lonely?] I'm glad you could still [find me]. I'm glad you could still wriggle up next to me. [Touch me]. Through the carnage, rebirth, dizzyspells, cornbread, the whole 9 dude.
That's gotta be worth something. [Pig|Is it not enough]? [How could I take more than I need?] Why do I need to kick you? Why do I need to [taste] your shoulder again so badly? Why can't I accept it as some beautiful night of soulful filling and--and just take it with me? [I found you, damn you]. I know how to find you again if I need to. I found [someone who cares, in spite] of. I found [someone who gives] me the breath to be the person I'm best at being. Why would I let that miracle of humanism turn to greed, unacknowledgement, and waste? Why would I be so desperate to fall on my own sword?
[She looks up from her book, as infinity anticlimactically stops at a red light.|∞∞∞]|
([Setlist: My Own Sword|Set])