(Finnish for "queer gas
") is the best-known invention
of the legendary Finnish net.loon Paavo Rissanen
The theory behind
queer gas is laid out in the report Inkvisitio on toiminnassa jälleen,
tappoiko se Olof Palmen? ("The Inquisition is active again, did it kill
Olof Palme?). Summarizing this ten-page rant is somewhat difficult, but
as far as I can follow it, the line of reasoning goes like this:
- The Roman Catholic Church wants to promote homosexuality.
- The reason behind this is the institution of celibacy. Celibacy would be
good if the energy is sublimated to do good, but it has been corrupted
into encouraging perversity.
- To further its plot, the Church is poisoning notable members of
society with queer gas.
- To better hide these activities, the job of doing the poisoning has been
given to the secret police in each country.
- Paavo Rissanen has been sprayed with queer gas since the age of 12.
It took him over 40 years to realize what was happening.
- Queer gas makes interacting with the opposite sex difficult. Symptoms
include nervousness, tics, baldness, farting and unspecified states of excitement
in the genitals.
- Both at home and at the office, the agents of the secret police
have piped in queer gas to convert him to homosexuality.
- When Paavo started to realize what was happening, the agents tried to
assassinate him. He was in a car crash 3 times within a year and was fired
from several jobs. Loud sounds became unbearable.
- Paavo went to a psychiatrist, who was paid off by the agents to send
him, a perfectly sane man, to a mental hospital. The queer gas attacks
continued unabated; small cuts appeared in his toes, through which the gas
flowed out. The doctors claimed these were athlete's foot.
- Eventually, Paavo escaped from the hospital. But the agents continued
to provoke him, driving cars past him on purpose, by making his radio
screech twice a minute, and by stealing his bicycles.
- When Paavo tried to complain about this to a member of Parliament, the
agents intentionally loosed several screws on his bike so that the front wheel
came off. This could not be mere coincidence, it was an assassination attempt.
- The conspiracy has tentacles everywhere. Translation agencies refuse to
translate his report, the police refuses to investigate. Even Amnesty, whose
headquarters he has visited twice, refused to help.
But there is hope! In the second half of the report, Paavo tells us how he finally
got rid of the curse of queer gas.
- He wrapped a room in plastic and installed filtered air conditioning.
- The TV also gives off mind control rays, so he moved the TV to a corner
of the room and started to watch it from the other end using binoculars.
- Tap water may also be poisoned. He started to fetch water from elsewhere
(including melting snow), never using the same place twice and never letting
the water sit overnight.
- Food had to be obtained from a different, randomly selected store each time.
He changed his diet constantly and never took the first packet on the shelf.
He did not buy any liquids like milk, nor any food that has to be stored.
- He stopped visiting hotels, restaurants, or eating with friends.
But the effects of years of poisoning are not easy to reverse. Every day, his
is manipulated by the agents. Marriage
is forbidden. He has never
committed a homosexual
act, but the agents fabricate evidence
done so. The resemblance to the methods of the Inquisition
he is being tortured to admit that he is homosexual
, and the torture will
only continue and get worse until he finally admits it.
How can a democratic society condone this abuse of an innocent man?
But it is all so diabolically cleverly disguised, behind the facade of the
Roman Catholic Church and the government of Sweden. The German Red Army
has the word "red" in its name, so people will think it is related to the
communists, but the real instigator behind terrorism is the Church.
The news prove this to be true.
And finally, Paavo proves how the mysteriously assassinated prime minister of
Sweden, Olof Palme, in fact masterminded the operation of his own suicide
in such a way, that Paavo would become a suspect! Of course, this has not been
conveyed to him officially, but the secret police has placed the following
unmistakable signs to tell him:
- Paavo was an Adventist. The murder happened on Tunnelgatan, the same
street as Stockholm's Adventist Church.
- Adventists keep the Sabbath. Palme was taken to the Sabbathsberg
- The agents try to corrupt Paavo's sexuality. The murder took place on
Malmskillnadgatan, a notorious place of prostitution.
- Paavo lives near the Church of John. The murder was committed near
Stockholm's Church of John. Paavo's second name is also Johannes (John).
- Paavo has a Volkswagen. The murderer escaped with a Volkswagen.
- Paavo's report was released on a Friday. Palme was murdered on a Friday.
- Paavo is Finnish. The murderer got into his car near Finland House.
- The report tells of a high official who likes carpentry. The getaway
car was on Snickarbacken, "Carpenter's Hill".
- Paavo was born in '33. The murderer is 33 years old.
The possibility of all this happening by coincidence is less than one in a million.
And to think that it has been all organized on purpose... WHY?
motives must be racial
, those Swedish Svensson
s trying to prove their
superiority again by framing an innocent Finn!
The report is dated 12.10.1986 and has been circulating the Internet ever since.
The last of Paavo's reports, Number 25, is dated 1989; nobody knows what happened
the poor guy after that. Hopefully he has finally gotten some medication for
his paranoid schizophrenia
, or maybe the agents finally got him...
The Finnish original of the report can be found at