A burgundy Cadillac with New York plates passed me on my way home. The plates read, “TUNA”. It seemed to mock my own diet which consists primarily of Tuna and Ramen. Eatting tuna is a small part of my vain attempt to lower my body fat to 5% so that I may resemble a Banana Republic model. I realize this drive is fueled by media’s portrayal of masculinity, but don’t blame me, I’m a fashion victim and helpless against the reality of my own imperfections.

Note to Self: Do not use iron to toast Pop Tarts anymore.
Note to Self: Do not eat Pop Tarts anymore, they contain too much suger.