I
sit, in my friend's
dorm room.
Loud
techno.
Vodka.
Where is she? Where has she
gone? I miss her voice, her affection coming through digitally clear on an
analog line.
I have doubted. I have
questioned the
strength of my own
conviction, my own
ability to love and be loved. The
alcohol makes it so painfully clear.
What am I
worth? I question myself
twice,
thrice at every step. I cannot trust myself to buy
toothpaste, let alone be with
someone.
I'll
drive her away. Just like the others. It will end the
same.
Tears.
Confusion.
Pain.
I
want and I
reject. I
desire and I
despise. I
yearn and I
flee.
I am unlovable.
I am drunk as I node this. I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammatical errors I may discover in the morning.