OK Gruner
Am not feeling well...think I may puke. Notice today that Goldman looks like Paul McCartney, am going to force him to wear pegged pants to work from now on. Holidays have been for suck. Worked 10 hours overtime until 2:30 a.m. on new database for my office to meet deadline. Still had to go to work the next morning. Worked overtime again until 5:30. Still did not meet deadline because database has some fatal flaws. Computer geeks working around the clock. No results as of yet. Am tired. Am swamped with end-of-the-year accounting and loads of whining geezers. Both Goldman and I are popping St.Johns Wort like nobody’s business. Life is futile.
Wilson
OK Wilson
Last night I was at a birthday dinner at which, with no encouragement from me, people began without warning to pass their IDs around the table (!)
Am real poorly. Suspect pneumonia is imminent. Chest feels wrapped in steel bands. Struggling for breath. Why am I at work? Have no sick time. Fear I will faint. Am running temperature. Hate everyone. Over and out.
Gruner
Gruner-
Sorry you are poorly. I am physically well. Could use more sun and exercise. Am flaccid. I hate everyone as well, barring you, Simon, Colombo, and Goldman. What is the abbreviation for number that Chanel uses? I must be losing my mind. Am in the process of planning summer holidays. Need to inform chimps I work for of my plans so they can make more informed decisions when it comes to screwing me over. If you or Tolentino have any brilliant ideas for joint holiday fun this summer, let me know. (Something along the lines of the Ricardos and the Mertzes go on vacation.) Otherwise I will torture Goldman with 4th of July holiday fun in Vale. Still believe life to be a fairly futile endeavor. Over and out.
Wilson
PS if I come into even a little money, I will come visit again soon. I think we should go to a day spa and get facials and body wraps.
Gruner-
Have not heard from you. Am concerned about you in light of your last message indicating you were in a real poorly state of health. (Doesn’t the phrase ‘Real poorly’ sound as if we were conversing via mail during the Great Depression within some region of Oklahoma? It’s good.) Please respond as soon as is convenient with an update on your condition. I recommend keeping up your daily dose of St. Johns Wort as well as adding a couple of doses of Emergen-C vitamin drink. I recommend using Canada Dry Seltzer Water. Simon turned me on to this. It’s real good. Over and out.
Wilson
Yo Wilson,
I too know the C powder of which you write. I encountered it in the kitchen of the Big House under the stewardship of one Simon F., only he told me it was speed, and I believed him. Now I know better. That man is a fiend for Vitamin C. I’m afraid I fear what a former professor of mine called the “explosive shits” too much to venture into truly hardcore C dimensions. Thus my cold lingers on, on and on. I have spent the last several nights getting bed rest, watching movies chosen by Tolentino, and hacking incredible reams of mucus into the plumbing and landfill systems. I am medicating with Echinacea/C drops, Zinc/C/Echinacea/Goldenseal tablets every two hours, raw garlic chopped into tomato juice (highly recommended. I cannot taste a thing), lemon/ginger/echinacea grog (very spicy, preferably warmed), and herbal teas of all kinds, not to mention the standard OTC sinus and mucus alleviators and the old favorite, 99 cent aspirin.
Will try to come up with vacation ideas. Perhaps Vegas is in order.
Later
Gruner