Well, it's
official - I now have a
stalker. I heard a guy
masturbating outside a few nights ago, and when I got up this morning there was a
handprint and what looks like a lipprint (a smooch maybe) on my
window. This means he was here Thursday night and last night (there was a hard rain Friday morning which would have washed away any prints.)
I could consider this a
bad thing. Something
scary. But on the other hand I've always
wondered what it would feel like to
kill someone. I notified the
police, and they made a report and said I couldn't kill the guy while he was outside and I am inside. However, if he comes in or I go out and he
threatens me (my feelings of being threatened are, of course,
subjective), then I can shoot him. I'm not saying that I
aggresively want to shoot someone. However, if someone stands outside my apartment giving me a really
good reason to shoot them -
encouraging me to shoot them - trying to
frighten me - then yes, I'm going to shoot. It'll be interesting, anyway, if the
conflict does occur.
I realize this isn't a very
generous attitude, but I'm figuring this guy is a
creep and will probably
kill me given a
chance.
I made plans to go
horseback riding this afternoon, to get my mind off of it. When the lady at the stables asked me how many, and I said
one, there was a decent
pause. Lately
everything feels like
salt in the wound of my aloneness. Songs on the radio, stalkers, restaurant hostesses.