Well, it's official - I now have a stalker. I heard a guy masturbating outside a few nights ago, and when I got up this morning there was a handprint and what looks like a lipprint (a smooch maybe) on my window. This means he was here Thursday night and last night (there was a hard rain Friday morning which would have washed away any prints.)

I could consider this a bad thing. Something scary. But on the other hand I've always wondered what it would feel like to kill someone. I notified the police, and they made a report and said I couldn't kill the guy while he was outside and I am inside. However, if he comes in or I go out and he threatens me (my feelings of being threatened are, of course, subjective), then I can shoot him. I'm not saying that I aggresively want to shoot someone. However, if someone stands outside my apartment giving me a really good reason to shoot them - encouraging me to shoot them - trying to frighten me - then yes, I'm going to shoot. It'll be interesting, anyway, if the conflict does occur.

I realize this isn't a very generous attitude, but I'm figuring this guy is a creep and will probably kill me given a chance.

I made plans to go horseback riding this afternoon, to get my mind off of it. When the lady at the stables asked me how many, and I said one, there was a decent pause. Lately everything feels like salt in the wound of my aloneness. Songs on the radio, stalkers, restaurant hostesses.