Even art, it is impossible to create art which is completely individual, at one point I thought to create art in the realms of mixed media including smell. There is an Israeli company which is producing a peripheral hardware device, which would produce smells according to directions from a web page. It would be used as a marketing device for perfume companies and such.
I realised that to make art in the form of a smell is not only a take-off of the commercial (perfume), but is also way too try-hardish.
You see I have a bit of a complex about being a try-hard. Ever since primary school that is. I am scared that i will be considered try-hard weird. That in itself is such a contradiction, but its logic makes sense to me.
Eventually I am sure that I will settle down and become "normal". That is the only logical point of direction for my life, as far as I can see. Continuing in such a direction as that which I have now can only lead to a nervous breakdown.
I hate this contradiction, that in the future, I will be "normal". It is totally against everything I believe in. It is much the same as the fact that I am not interested in ever having children. Kids annoy me greatly. Whilst I know that in the future at some point, likely around abouts my thirtieth birthday, I will decide that I want to have children. This disturbs me greatly.
Future contradictions I will make in my life are so totally and utterly pointless, however almost totally impossible to avoid. I hate that. It is as if I have no control over my own life. Not that I'm a control freak. I'm not a control freak. denial