Inhale. Breathe in that sweet cancer. There are countless carcinogens, toxins, and other nasty killing chemicals in your average smoke. You're reducing your lifespan by six minutes. You're annoying the non-smokers around you. You might as well milk it for all it's worth. Inhale deeply.

Hold it in. Feel that burning? That sweet, fantastic burning? That's the smoke killing you. But something else is writhing inside the burning chemicals in your lungs: every little tiny annoyance you've experienced in the last few hours. The forty minutes you wasted on the subway out of your own stupidity. Your fuckwit manager that can't slam two braincells together hard enough to call you back. The conversation with your grandmother where you were once again reminded that your life doesn't match up with what she expected of you. Every little thing that caused you more gray hairs today: you're killing them with the smoke too. Get 'em in there good.

Now exhale. Slowly. Watch the smoke roll out of your mouth and nose, lazily making its way into open sky. Feel the nicotine crawl its way into your brain and slow time to a crawl. Those problems that seemed so perturbing only seconds ago are escaping from your body with those fine gray wisps.

There, isn't that better?

Have another drag. It's been a long day.