I've heard that there are some easy tactics to stealing bigger things from offices.

If you find something like a computer, an external SCSI array, a router, or maybe a Herman Miller chair appealing, try hiding it somewhere in your office (assuming you have one, otherwise use a room to which you have (nearly) unlimited access and can have privacy long enough to hide something -- and where co-workers won't go poking around in weird places). Don't hide it where it looks like it's being hidden, just put it where it could have conceivably been misplaced. For example: behind one of the file drawers (but still inside the cabinet); inside one of the boxes that the TVs came in for the conference room, but are in storage (Does anyone know why they keep those, anyway? Are they planning on sending the TVs back?).

Leave said item there for two to three weeks. If someone comes looking for it, then it's something that is needed and will be missed. You can aid the search and rescue team and be a hero when it is discovered. On the other hand, if no one comes looking for it and there are no memos regarding it's absence, it's all yours.

Now it is time to get the item out of the building without being seen or recorded by any device. Besides hiding the actual removal, you must not leave any evidence which will tie the time and location of the removal to your presence. This is the trickiest part of the procedure. Spend two or three days noting the location and cycle of all automated security equipment: electronic locks for which you use a personalized swipe/radio card, cameras, infrared motion detectors, everything. Note that this should be done upon starting work at any employer, assuming you are a typical security-conscious paranoid geek (as everyone on E2 ought to be).

There are two ways that I've theorized are the best to get equipment out of the office without drawing suspicion. One is to bring a duffel bag to work, with the claim of "going to the gym" after work. (You had better have a gym membership and have been to the gym before if you try this. If you're lucky, no one will want to accompany you to the gym. This is why it is best to have a gym membership in another town or at a dirty/broken/otherwise bad gym.) Fill the duffel bag with newspaper/Styrofoam peanuts/etc in the morning, carry it to work, dump it out, and move the piece of equipment inside. When you leave, casually walk out as you usually would. Viola! You have a new toy. (Note that there are several variants on this, including the "birthday cake for a surprise party for my spouse/children/mother/dog" and the "backpack for the hiking trip this weekend that departs before I can go home and change.")

The other way which makes sense but sometimes is more difficult depending on security options at your place of employment is the "work on Saturday" option. It is important that you only use this maneuver if your offices are closed on the weekend but employees are still allowed to work if they so chose. Come in to work (make sure you have a task you can work on for a justifiable length of time) and when it is time to leave, pick up the unit and walk out the door (using a pre-selected path with minimum exposure to security devices). This can sometimes be combined with the previous item (e.g. place the item in a duffel bag). If there are other employees at work on this optional day, abort immediately and save the retrieval for another weekend (or late that evening when the other employee(s) leave).

You must practice your poker face and your casual walk for this procedure to work. It is not for the feint of heart nor those who buckle under pressure (as there are many opportunities for confrontation which could potentially lead to big trouble as described in the other write-ups).

A well-thought-out and rehearsed plan is the only way for stealing large things from work to be successfully accomplished. This guide only suggests things to take into consideration and is by no means complete nor is it authoritative.

Please note that I certainly have never tried1 any of these, and do not recommend that you do. If you get caught doing anything here, you are the one who is responsible.